Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Half Term with no rows yet

Right, what happened? 

One day I had 2 children lets call them DD and DS.  If I ever went anywhere and came back they would literally run to the front door or if unable to would shout "Mummy!" in the most excited voices ever eagerly awaiting a hug and kiss from me.  However this appears to have been lost in the dim past as discovered yesterday when I came back from the gym and DD didn't even notice that I had gone and DS (13) welcomed me with a lovely grunt. No warm welcome for me.

I spent some time at a friends yesterday afternoon (any escape from my house at the moment - half term) only to find out that DD has plenty of homework to do over the holidays and am pretty sure that she told me she had  none.  Popped home to find DD very studious working her way through her GCSE English.  (I know
, I know what does she want? More of that later)

"I have to critique Miss Havisham" she says; Wow I say
, I did that, I love her. In fact Helena Bonham Carter is playing her in the film which is out later this month, shall we go and see it together? I ask.  "This is why I didn't tell you about my homework because you get too cosy, I'm fine thanks" she turns away and carries on.  Queue me to leave the bedroom.

Wow. That really hurt. I stood there for a second but felt like 10 minutes really shocked. Why doesn't she want my help? Why can't I sit with her and chat like we used to?

Took me a lot of courage to walk out the door without saying anything - if you knew me you'd know that I usually would not let that go without giving at least a 15 minute lecture (borefest) on 'I'm only asking as I care/am worried/want to help'.  But I have to let you in on a secret
 I have had a little help with this.  I have finally been reading the book recommended on Mumsnet regarding teenagers and their behaviour and it is slowly falling in to place. I know that teens brains work very differently and that there is a big struggle within themselves but how they behave and why is so wonderfully explained that it makes things, almost, ok.

Well, I neglected to say that one reason DD is doing homework apart from because she has so much to do is the fact that her and 11 other girls are off to a Halloween party in the City.  We are cutting the apron strings as mums and allowing them to go by minibus 20 miles down the road to an organised U18's disco.  They are then all staying at one girls house - Queue the panic now.  Will the bus driver get them there safely? Are there seatbelts on the bus? Will they all get in? Have they remembered their tickets? Will they stay together? Will they all catch bus back? What happens if they get ill in the night? Will any of them drink? What if they meet boys? and on and on and on

Now I realise that in the cold light of day this is hilariousbordering on pathetic. They are all 14/15 and as parents we have all angles covered e.g. minibus hired from reputable company; party all checked out; and also we do have to give them some credit as they lurch down the slope from being children to adults.  They have to learn to look after themselves but the worry never stops does it?

I have to admit I gave in and did text DD to check she was alright and had no reply until they were back at friends house "sorry" she wrote, "left my phone back at (friends) house so only just got your text we are all back and having pizza". Ah, so now I can sleep without worrying.  

So now it seems that I am the one eagerly anticipating their return - case of role reversal....

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Well what do you know.  I go out shopping on my own after visiting friends and happen to end up finding 2 rather pretty dresses that DD may like for the next party she goes to. Pick her up later from her drama class - she opens the bag and discounts one dress as her friend has it and the other she does not like.

She tries the one she does not like on when she gets home and guess what? Loves it - not to self: don't take DD shopping next time.  Go alone it is certainly more productive!

Not a bad day then..

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Who's shoes??

Good day today.

Took DD dress shopping for a party on Tuesday evening and shoes for tonight; however‚  everything she liked did not fit (not that I saw that as I wasn't allowed into the dressing room) - I was only allowed to see what she did like‚  which was nothing.  She got into a strop with herself which was amusing.  I did as promised and held back from saying anything that could have been considered as starting an argument e.g. That looks nice etc.

Instead I just agreed that there was nothing in the shops‚  absolutely nothing‚  that was good enough for her and that everything else was rubbish (Fact is I saw so many lovely things she could have worn but it just wasn't worth pointing it out - made that mistake initially and got shot down in flames). Did have a chuckle to myself as I had  a flashback to when I was her age going shopping with my mother.

Funniest part was when she took herself off to buy a chilli chicken wrap because she was "stressed"; hilarious - actually offered to buy me something "my treat" she shouts as she wanders off to the food counter...

Anyway on return I took her to a fancy dress shop for Halloween outfit (Wednesday's party) and she found one immediately! If only dress shopping was as simple. Did suggest she wore her fancy dress outfit to the party on Tuesday but she ignored that one.

DS has been out playing all day with his mates and not been an ounce of trouble today - having said that just phoned him to say not to stay out too much longer as getting dark and he is over the other side of town with his friends and says he is in no rush to return home.  Just dropped casually into conversation that meatballs were on the menu this evening so don't think he will be too much longer!

Ah‚ off to the party she goes with her friends but DD has no coat and no bag - where does she 

keep her money? Down her bra!! Plus she must be freezing - apparently not!

Dropped the girls off but wasn't allowed to hang around just drop off and disappear.

Now sat in my pj's watching X Factor waiting for her return; fingers crossed she's had a good 

time. Have to say  she did look lovely going out tonight - IN MY SHOES!!!!

Thursday, 25 October 2012

No tears or tantrums tonight but working up to being allowed to Saturdays party!  Both tests went "ok".  Today was the last day in school for DD as inset day tomorrow and half term next week. 

DS done all his homework as soon as he came home from school but if it earns him brownie points and gets it out the way for the week then he's happy! He will also only do the minimum required.

DD came to the gym with me tonight and made more of an effort than usual but that may be due to none of her friends being there so she had to exercise or talk to me!!

Once home she wanted to watch TV with me tonight so we watched Waterloo Road‚ mobile phone in hand in her case  but at least we are in the same room and are talking. Am walking on egg shells though as when I start to talk about things she doesn't want to talk about the tone in her voice changes immediately; I don't know what these things are so the only warning I get is when her tone alters. It's like walking through a bloody minefield.  I need a map please...

Teenagers are such strange creatures.  I have ordered a book recommended by someone on Mumsnet (dispatched today) which allegedly will put their tantrums into some kind of context.  Apparently some part of their brain shuts down as they are developing - pretty sure most of DD's shuts down when I talk to her. Ah well. Tomorrow is another day.

On a plus side I'm in work. On another plus side I'm out in the evening and they are staying with their Nanny.  Am I a bad mother for relishing this fact?

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Oops Spoke to soon!

Not a bad start but then I didn't have to get up too early so I lay low until they had all gone for the day.

The day passed fairly uneventfully although did have one text asking if I could take DD to McD's after training! Just said thanks for asking but no as I had already prepared dinner.

Anyway things came to a head pretty early on this evening.  I asked DD to revise for her History test tomorrow which she went to do but with her laptop phone and her radio all in full swing.  When asked to surrender phone and turn down radio all hell broke loose at which point I told her that she would not be going to Saturdays party as planned.  She appeared not to believe me using a tone I can only assume she uses on her worst enemies, until I reiterated this several times and also told her that her father was backing me on this! DH normally stays out of these issues but not this one. 

Eventually she decided to give me her phone but I said it was too late and she should have given it to me when I first asked.  Oh boy did she start screaming and crying.  She practically broke down saying that she has been doing everything I asked of her and she's had enough!  She's had enough?? Blimey charley if only she would do as told/asked first time round she could have been done with the revision and been doing whatever she wanted.

By now I am half way through negotiating DS looking over some french work, and trying to serve up the dinner -  all on me this evening as DH works late.  I am now so emotionally exhausted that I can just about put the food on the table. Anyway all 3 of us sit down for dinner during which DS and DD bicker (I can deal with this) over who has drunk most of the Dr Pepper.

Now 3 hours gone by and DD done History revision but announces has Maths test too but "has a calculator" so isn't bothered with this one!......

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Yet another peaceful day

I think I may have figured it out.  If there is an incentive and when she is ready dd will actually do what I want her to do - maybe not the housework but she is certainly revising for her tests this week, actually revising! I mean, come on how long has it taken.  Should I now take a risk and ask her to attempt to clean her room?

Monday, 22 October 2012

No tears or tantrums today.  Although that might be because it was a school day and I wasn't around until 9ish this evening.

Anyway, I returned home to find DD upstairs browsing for dresses that she wants to buy, with her own money, for the parties coming up over half term. Yes.  Her own money!

She proceeds to tell me that she has done half an hour training tonight (something I have been asking her to do for ages as her coach suggested it), she has also completed some History revision and when I went back upstairs she was doing her PE homework (extra GCSE)!!!  Is this the same child that I have been fighting with all weekend?

So may be tears of joy this evening then?

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Her tears and my tantrum

Tears of a different kind this morning - DD unwell.  Suddenly remembered what her dm does for her - wipes her brow brings her hot honey and lemon and a bagel (not that ill then!).

Been on Mumsnet and publicly announced that I would hold back from nagging dd however have just failed spectacularly as wanted her to revise her History for test next week! AARGHH!!

Oh and now I've just made her dinner and now she is refusing to wash up and if she doesshe will only wash her dishes.  I think I may explode shortly. Yes‚ I know I am my own worst enemy. Repeating mantra "back offback off".

Holy cow! I have exploded - dh and myself have had a blazing row - dd sitting quietly through the  whole episode casually playing on her mobile phoneI repeat AARGHH!! Breathe.....

A quiet harmony has descended as dh has sat me down and explained that I cannot control dd and she has to learn from her own mistakes and tough if she regrets stopping the activities she has done for so long (and is talented at) and tough if she fails her assessments (hard one to swallow being as we are both teachers!).

He says it as it is and basically says to let her be and it will all come out in the wash.....
Hard lessons to learn for us all.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Frustrated - a year later.....

So here I am again.  We moved nearly a year ago and only now I am finally managing to start back blogging. Interestingly I have returned to this blog at time when my life just seems to be getting worse as far as dearest daughter (DD) is concerned. 

I am trying to keep my cool and lurch from not doing anything for her to doing everything for her - nothing appears to work.  The straw that broke me today was when I asked her (during a blazing row) "what do I do for you then?" to which the answer was a roll of the eyes and a shrug.   I had to drive out of the house for about half an hour to cool down.  Hubby doesn't help - lets it wash over his head.

She constantly surprises me with her mood swing although I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be surprised as I was once a teenager wasn't I?

Anyway it is a Saturday night and it's just me and my laptop in front of trash tv.  My 13 year old son and my husband have retreated into the other room with the dog and DD is upstairs immersing herself in DVD's after coming home from a day shopping with her friends. What frustrates me today is that I am expected to drive her to the station, pick her up, and accept that she is too tired to help me at home despite my asking, as I have had a very busy week. I work 4 days a week and so does hubby - is too much to ask for a little help sometimes?

I must apologise if my words appear a little random today but I am still quite upset.  Hey ho.  No-one ever tells you how hard it's going to be do they?