Wednesday, 14 November 2012

This is clearly how we roll, DD and me

I worked late on Monday night but that did not stop a humdinger of a row between myself and yes, you've guessed it, my one and only daughter!

It all started when I told DD that it had been suggested to me that she trains more in her sport by a friend of ours - maybe only one extra hour just to give her the edge and to put her in a good position for next year - too complicated to go into here - just trust me that it's bloody competitive and even to stay where she is, she would benefit from this extra hour that has been offered to her.

Well, what ensued was so horrible that it has taken me 3 days to feel comfortable enough to put it into words.  She told me that she didn't want to do it and when I explained that it could only benefit her I got accused of telling her she was crap at the sport.  The hour is on a Sunday so does not conflict with anything but the group who train are also crap apparently.  I retaliated by saying lots of other doing it - not the point she says.  I can't remember all the minutiae but it involved a lot of screaming,  shouting,  physical abuse,  fingers in ears and ended up with me being given the finger by her.  I was accused of being a crap mother (I've toned it down for the purposes of this Blog).  She said she hated me and I think she was quite ready to leave except for the fact that it was so late.

This is only a snapshot of what happened. Needless to say I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed for half an hour continuously. Dh remained out of the way downstairs with the dog and Ds kept coming out of his room and then going back in - he totally hates conflict of any sort.  I just felt so alone and helpless; the feeling that your daughter doesn't like you and doesn't appreciate anything you do is quite terrifying. I thought I was being supportive.

Fast forward to Tuesday evening.  I take DD training which went well but as we leave one of the other Mums happens to mention the extra hour training on Sunday. I take this opportunity to say to both girls how much they would benefit and really come on with the experience of training with older people etc and DD responded by saying yes they really need to be going and has made arrangements to start week after next (cancelled for this Sunday)!!!!!!

For heavens sakes! If I'd known that a chat with a friends mum would have done it I'd never have said anything on Monday night.  It could have save a lot of trouble.

So I took Dd home and in the car she was chatting all about her schoolwork and her revision for Controlled Assessments which has been on going for weeks.  I offered to run her a bath which she happily accepted and the rest of the evening was very pleasant.

It's like nothing happened - normality resumes.  I guess this really is how we roll as a family.  Turbulent with plenty of ups and downs but now I'm through that dark hour or so I do realise that my daughter is just dealing with her own issues in her own way.  Tough lesson learned by me - hold back (again)

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